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20 December 2011 @ 12:59 am
Dear Stephen,
  I know you can't hear me anymore, I know you aren't around. You were the first person I gave everything to, and the first person to take everything from me. I just want you to know I got what I deserved, I got exactly what you told me. Being bitter and using guys got me here. Karma and you shoving your face in my business, got me here. Just like you said, "One day you're going to find one, and you're going to get yourself in the biggest fucking pickle you've ever been in, and he'll be your everything, and you're going to be so fucking stuck." I hope you're somewhere laughing at me. I feel you in me every day and I don't spill your name from my lips. You were the first to break me, the first to create me. I knew you at such a young age and only saw you just last month and you looked exactly the same. Don't we both? You taught me how to inhale and laugh, I taught you how to not let laughing control your life. I was your yang darling, but you weren't my ying. You where a bootleg version of it sold at some over priced store in china town. I miss bubble tea with you. I knew when I saw your last name on my caller ID that it was over, I also knew that you left knowing how much I love you. I still wish I said it. I wish a lot of things, I wish we hadn't been so stubborn, I wish I had kissed your forehead all those times you cried. But what it comes down to is the things you've done to me have been so unforgivable that even your death hasn't let me forgive them. A week after hearing about you, I pushed away everyone, even the most important person to me right now. Thanksgiving I remembered your smile, your laugh it filled the air all around me and I couldn't breathe. I did something very stupid, but I just wanted to see you. I love you in the way that you are you are forever engraved in my being. But you where never a lover, or a friend, you where just a part of me. My biggest secret. I'm sorry I wasn't there.

Love and Rockets, Vron.
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